The Diary of a Prolonged Pregnancy

Otherwise known as the longest two weeks of my life! 

Written by Sarah Halloran. Copyright protected.

My pregnancy has lasted 40 weeks.  That’s 280 days!  That’s a long time.  Most of that time has been spent dashing to the loo, bumping into things, and hugging a boomerang shaped pillow every night.  I haven’t seen my toes in months and my husband has to put on my shoes for me.  That means he puts them on my feet by the way. 

My due date is tomorrow.  My gorgeous baby will be here and the wait will be over.  I’ve read all those articles about going overdue, but my mum had me on her due date so I’m fully expecting to do the same.  It’s genetics, and you don’t argue with genetics.   

Due Date

7am:  Wake up.  Stare at the ceiling for a couple of minutes and then realise what today is!  Baby gives me a huge kick in the ribs.  Seems like he’s remembered too.  Oh, we found out we are having a boy at our 20 week scan.  Time to get up and check the hospital bag.  All the books say relax and do what you would normally do on any normal day.  Five hours on the sofa watching back to back episodes of Jeremy Kyle it is then! 

8am:  Bored with Jeremy Kyle.  Go upstairs and read my pregnancy book again.  Flip to the chapter on ‘Signs of Labour’.  Okay, first sign is lower back pain.  Not really helpful as I’ve had that since I got pregnant.  Okay, next.  Your cervix will become progressively thinner and softer.  I’ll take their word for it.  Next, next, next.  You may notice the appearance of a bloody show.  I’m guessing this isn’t going to be The Sound of Music.  Get mental image of giving birth to Julie Andrews.  NEXT!  Your waters will break.  Oh god, that is the bit I’m dreading the most.  I daren’t go out in case it happens.  Mind you, there are those rumours about getting loads of free stuff if your waters break in certain DIY stores or supermarkets. 

9am:  Check hospital bag for the third time.  Put gigantic incontinence knickers in. 

9.15am:  Take gigantic incontinence knickers out again. 

10am:  My husband calls from work.  I told him to go in as he works locally and can be home within 10 minutes.  Tell him nothing is happening and that I’ll call him the minute it does. 

11am:  Call husband and ask him what he’s doing.  He says he’s working.  I’m so bored. 

2pm:  Have a little talk with baby and tell him that I am looking forward to seeing him later today.  I tell him he should really start to get a move on. 

4pm:  Have a cup of raspberry leaf tea.  God, it’s horrible.  It’s supposed to ease labour apparently.  I wonder if the 6 sugars I put in it will reverse the effects.

5pm:  Baby is moving around lots and lots.  Come on little fella, you can do it. 

6pm:  My friend calls and asks if I’ve had the baby yet.  She actually called me at 1pm, 3pm, and 4.15pm to ask exactly the same thing.  I think she’s watched far too many soap opera ‘three pushes and a scream’ birth scenes.

10pm:  Oh come on!  This is getting silly now.  I don’t want to get ready for bed and admit defeat.  I WILL have this baby TODAY!  I decide to have a little lie down and read my pregnancy book again. 

1 Day Overdue

Wake up at 6am to the sound of birds singing.  My due date has passed!  Well, that’s fine.  Sometimes the dates can get a bit screwed up so maybe I really am due today after all. 

I decide to login to the pregnancy message board on ‘Pregnancy Paradise’ to see what all the other mums with the same due date as me are up to.  Diane and Sharon had their babies early, last week.  Natalie is having a C-Section tomorrow, and that leaves me, Debbie, and Jo who are still waiting.  Oh wait, Debbie’s waters have broken and she’s left for the hospital.  Arrrggh, what’s this?  Jo posted a message at 4am saying she’s having light contractions?  Damn.  I log off and make myself a disgusting raspberry leaf tea. 

I ignore the gazillion text messages asking if anything is happening yet.  Go away! 

2 Days Overdue

Went to the midwife today for a stretch and sweep, or shake and vac as my husband calls it.  There’s no easy way to explain this so I’m just going to say it.  The midwife takes two fingers and then tries to stretch the cervix and sweep some of the membranes.  This should then trigger the hormone oxytocyn, which is responsible for causing the uterus to contract.  It’s more uncomfortable than painful.  She also suggested a bit of ‘the other’ to get the baby moving.  Funny how sex can get you in, and out of this situation! 

I go home and wait for something to happen.  Refrain from telling my husband about the sex part when he asked me about the visit to the midwife.  Gone are the days of a quick spontaneous tumble between the sheets.  We’ll need to plan a time and a position, not to mention reinforcing the bed!

Had a lovely warm bath tonight and it was bliss.  A warm bath can help to get things moving too.  It didn’t, but I had the best night’s sleep I’ve had in ages. 

Due Date +3

I have just been to the supermarket to buy some pineapples.  Apparently they contain an enzyme which can help to induce labour.  I actually like pineapple so this shouldn’t be a chore at all.  I cut one up and take it into the living room.  After about 4 doorstep slices my lips are puckered and I can’t feel my teeth anymore.  I decide to make a pineapple smoothie, the theory being I can get more down my neck if I drink it. 

Two glasses later and I’m feeling a bit green.  I have a lay down and wait for stuff to happen.  I shan’t go into detail about what did happen.  Let’s just say I spent an awful lot of time in the smallest room of the house!    I can categorically say that whoever thought of inducing childbirth by eating ridiculous amounts of pineapple is a sadist! A sadist with a fruit and veg stall no doubt!

Due Date +4

Okay, I’m on the swiss ball and I’m bouncing like there is no tomorrow.  I read that this will open the pelvis and encourage the baby to start its journey down.  I should have probably started this before I had my breakfast.  I’ve also read that a long walk is a good idea so I’ll walk to the midwife this afternoon.  I’ve got another shake and vac booked.  Surely this time it will work! 

Oh God, walking back from the midwife after a stretch and sweep was not a good idea.  I was walking like a cowboy who’s lost his horse.  Three cars beeped me and I wanted to die.

NOTHING IS HAPPENING!! 

Due Date +5

The midwife was still banging on about S-E-X yesterday.  The woman is obsessed!  Does she not realise that I am the size of Belgium and all it takes to get me hot and sweaty these days is getting up from the sofa.  And what’s this?  Darling husband of mine has been on the Internet and found out about the sex thing for himself.  I’m doomed! 

Tonight was like sleeping with a randy bison, if you can imagine such a thing.  I managed to stave off his advances by insisting it wasn’t good for the baby and he might inadvertently scare him into not coming out at all! 

Due Date +6

I woke up this morning to some major backache.  Could it be? 

No, it couldn’t.  It disappeared as soon as I’d got up and had a shower.  I went off for another long walk and on the way back started to get extreme pressure in my pelvis.  Another sign of impending labour I seem to remember.  It disappeared as soon as I set foot inside my house.  Arrgh!  My body is playing such cruel tricks.  For the first time in my life I am actually welcoming pain.

To take my mind off things I decide to cook something special for dinner tonight.  Open the fridge to see five pineapples looking hopefully out at me. 

Due Date +7

Nothing happened last night and nothing is happening this morning.  Not a sausage!  Looks like I’m going to have to get another two fingered salute from the midwife again.  Some countries would insist we were married by now!  I wonder if it will work this time.  I’ve been doing a bit of research into being induced and it doesn’t seem so bad.  Looks as if it’s more of a time thing than anything else, as it can involve a lot of waiting for the hormones to take effect. 

Mum calls asking if I’ve had the baby yet.  Toy with telling her I have and forgot to tell her, but stopped myself. 

Due Date +8

We went for a long drive down some very bumpy country roads today to try and shift things.  At one point amorous husband raised an eyebrow and suggested we find a secluded spot.  I told him that was a good idea and asked him how deep he wanted me to dig his hole.  We drove back home in silence. 

Oh come out baby, I promise you that we’ll be lovely parents and will never embarrass you with our dancing or dress sense.  Honest! 

Due Date +9

Is it terribly wrong to put a newborn on the naughty step?  I hope this stubbornness isn’t a sign of things to come. 

We went for a curry tonight.  Spicy food is another known method of inducing labour.  All it really resulted in was major heartburn.  Junior had a good old kick around, but had settled back down again by the time we went to bed.  I think I’ve resigned myself to being induced.  I’m trying to be positive.  At least I’ll know what day I am going in and will have time to hastily apply some mascara before the big push.  Unfortunately I am not one of those women who look radiant after heavy exercise, and tend to resemble something more along the lines of an angry Romanian shot putter. 

Due Date +10

All I really did today was empty and repack my hospital bag, and clean the tops of the doorframes.  I never really believed in the nesting instinct before, but my God have I been zapped by it.  I have scrubbed, vacuumed, polished, and dusted, every nook and cranny of our house.  I think cleaning all the keyholes with a cottonbud was probably a bit too much, but you can’t be too careful these days! 

Due Date +11

Busy day today.  Went for a bumpy drive whilst eating pineapple curry, and rounded it all off bouncing on my Swiss ball in a warm bath!  Of course I didn’t, but I probably would if I thought it would get me anywhere. 

I did start thinking this evening that maybe I should relax about things a bit.  I mean, I’ve gone over 41 weeks now and this time next week my baby will definitely be here.  I’ve gone this far so what is a few more days?  I’ve gone through impatience, and past frustration, and now I’ve come out the other side quite relaxed.  I’ve let timescales overshadow what is one of the most important times of my life, if not the most important.  I will be a Mummy, with years of wonderful times ahead.

Due Date +12

Well, I’ve got my induction date.  If his Lordship hasn’t made an appearance by tomorrow I’ll be admitted to the induction ward the following day at 8.30am.  I’ve got mixed feelings about being induced.  I’m not scared really as I know the baby is going to come one way or another.  I think I’m a little disappointed that I haven’t had the traditional labour experience I was expecting.  It just goes to show that it’s not an exact science and that everyone is different. 

Due Date +13

Why am I so nervous?  I’ve been trying to get things going for two weeks and now the prospect of giving birth is here, I am really starting to panic.  I wish I knew what giving birth felt like.  I’ve asked so many mothers about the pain, but most of them just pat me on the arm and tell me I’ll be fine.  I just keep thinking about the logistics of something the size of a watermelon fitting through a gap the size of a lemon.  Time to recheck the hospital bag and nursery I think! 

Due Date +14

I am sitting on a hospital bed in the induction ward, flicking through a magazine and drinking a cup of tea.  It’s all quite nice really.  I’ve already had a gel pessary inserted which was no worse than a stretch and sweep and I can feel things are starting to happen. 

By mid-morning I am getting real contractions which are mild at first, but then get progressively stronger.  I have a suck on the gas and air pipe.  Wow, this stuff is amazing!  Why don’t they just do away with pubs and have gas and air bars instead?  I think gas and air will be just enough to get me through the pain. 

Wrong! I ended up having an epidural in the end which was brilliant and really helped me to focus on pushing, breathing, and swearing.  I had to apologise to the midwives for my language.  I didn’t realise I knew some of those words!  I gave birth naturally and whilst I am absolutely shattered, I feel wonderful.  My beautiful baby is finally here! 

As I look down at him I realise it’s all been worth it.  The last two weeks have possibly been the longest of my life, but I’ve learnt a lot along the way.  The most important thing I’ve learnt is to be patient and let nature take its course.   They say the best things are worth waiting for and they’re right.

Author Sarah Halloran

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